Lets be real here. Dressing up a barely two year old and an eight month old in itchy tool and polyester outfits, and dragging them around with buckets so that they can get candy that you’ll never let them eat, is a bit ridiculous. However, this is exactly what I rushed home from work to do on Wednesday. Of course I HAD to go by Publix first and spend 20$ on two bags of candy (candy is expensive!) and I thought about picking up dinner, but I cancelled that thought because I’d much rather eat my dinner calories in Snickers, Sweet Tarts, and Reese’s. I ran in the door and said “L! L! Lets get your costume on and go trick or treating!!!”. It was followed by her looking at me bewildered and saying “no, park”. Apparently she didn’t understand what the pumpkin at the front door meant. It was time to show her how fun dressing up can be.

My sister gave me a huge bag of Disney princess costumes that she had saved for the girls from her daughter. I brought it out of hiding last week to fish out some costumes and was definitely more excited than L was. C and L were going to wear matching Tinkerbell costumes. How fun…for me anyways. I actually had two choices for L, Tink and Minnie Mouse. She could care less about either, I guess we haven’t hit the princess stage yet, I should be happy about this. I put Minnie on her first and made such a big deal hoping she would love it. Nope. She started screaming “Off! Off!”. The scratchy material against her baby skin was not feeling so good. I then started to put on Tinkerbell and she melted down on the floor. Greaaaaaat. Oh well, she’ll love it next week for Halloween. Fast forward to the 31st again.

I rush into my room trying to get out of work clothes and into walking clothes and all the while I’m telling L to get dressed. She is not acquiescing. I finally bribe her with “We are going to see Jack! You’ve got to get dressed!”. She’s is obsessed with her best friend Jack and if he is involved in anything then she will do it. Score! Too bad she’s not seeing him until we hit the church for a harvest party in an hour. Right as I get L dressed and run to grab a diaper for her naked bottom, the Pediatric Gastroenterologist calls. I’ve been playing phone tag with her trying to figure out why C refuses to sleep and hoping it’s the acid reflux. Oh, I know you all want to hear about how I’m still not sleeping, but that story is really shaping up to be a novel, and a thoroughly depressing one at that, so we will stick to Halloween for now. The doctor is asking me a million questions therefore, to keep L happy, we go outside to the backyard. She’s barefoot and chooses to rub her feet in black dirt. Whatever, I have wipes and she will bathe later. Then she picks up the bocce balls and hurls them onto the stone patio. It’s all I can do to redirect her and grab the last two out of her hands. To top it off she looks at me and pees on Tinkerbell’s skirt. Minnie Mouse it is! I get off the phone and rip off Tink. Minnie is not going on until we have a diaper on that tush. I am suppose to meet a friend in the neighborhood five minutes ago and I am running on empty. I load the girls into the double stroller and take off.

I walk L up to the first house so excited to document this milestone. “No”. Followed by “Nooooooooooo” in a whiney voice. I try to convince her how fun this is. Ok so I drag her up to the door and knock. She tries to hide. It’s showtime, “say trick or treat L!”…”Chick-o-cheat!”. Precious!!! We meet up with Little Red Riding Hood and the candy is commencing! C, at this point, is not digging the stroller so I abandon ship and put the Ergo on. If you don’t have a Baby Ergo I highly recommend buying one. It is a million times better than the Bjorn and doesn’t hurt your back at all! We begin coaxing the girls down the street and pushing them towards people’s houses. It’s a bit challenging, I’m not going to lie, we have to knock on the door ourselves or point to the doorbell. The good news is my neighbors buy great candy! I’m definitely chowing down tonight! L even tries to grab extra’s, she must have known she had to share with mommy. After 7 houses I’m happy with the acquired loot and we walk home to continue our night at the church festival. 2 hours later, after bounce houses and pony rides and lots of sugar L is having tantrums and saying “EAT!” This is the first time she’s ever said this word and I am clearly a bad parent for not feeding my poor child and expecting her to survive on a pack of skittles. We finished the night with a much needed bath, nu nu’s for L, and some fabulous candy…in my belly. Happy Chick-o-cheating!!


Can I just sleep? Can I just sleep for a longer stretch than 4 hours? I mean…I know sleep divorced me but he is being dirty and taking me back to court these days! I am having no visitation rights! Baby C is trying to make me a crazy woman! Lets just rattle off all the books that haven’t worked and then you can tell me some other book your friend read that changed her life. Oh sure it did. I believe you, just go ahead and have your friend come over and spend one night in my house and then we will talk. “The Baby Whisperer” you say? That booked worked wonders? How about “12 hours in 12 weeks”? Oh that was a keeper! “Happiest Baby on the Block”? Whose block? Not mine! Ferber? I loathe him. He does nothing for this chick. It’s 12:57am and I am sitting on my Iphone rambling because I just spent the last hour pacing and rocking my 8 month old. Oh yes I am sure I am doing something all wrong and you want to tell me it gets better. Yeah, I’ve heard that statement. I started hearing it when she was born and I use to believe people like you. Not so much anymore sister. Take your story somewhere else. It’s time for CIO! Oh you don’t know about CIO? Your friend didn’t recommend that book? It’s not a top seller? Googling it didn’t work? Yes, we are at this stage now but I’m about to throw this last hope for a cure out the window with the graveyard of books that has formed in my backyard. CIO? CRY IT OUT. Yep. Just take your nails and drag them across a chalkboard…for over an hour. It’s so fun! And make sure you do it right when REM sleep is starting to take over.

Wait. She just fell asleep. I’m going to try to find REM really quick. Be back in an hour. Don’t worry, this gigs not up.

Aaaaaaaand I’m back. It was a short, sweet, snooze for mommy. I actually got 3 in a row and then the screaming started. J has already vacated the room and bolted to the couch. One of us needs some sleep around here.

When I was pregnant with the second we had grand plans to put the girls in the same room. Comical. I decided it was time to try it out last Thursday. We put them both to bed at the same time. Lights off and the door shut. C screamed while L just held her sippy cup looking nervous. After 10 minutes of crying L sat up and said “it’s ok bebe, it’s ok”. Love her. Once C heard someone in the room with her she went BANANAS! She’s thinking “what? Someone is here and not picking me up?”. Ten minutes later C fell asleep and L joined her. J and I high fived. This was great!! And then 3 am hit (hey I was just glad it was 3…I was expecting 12). When I am in a dead sleep and I am woken up abruptly by my children crying I basically freak out and jump up into the air and throw myself out of bed. Picture someone throwing cold water on someone dead asleep and that is probably what I look like. J hates it because he feels like there is an emergency situation, when in fact, it’s just the norm. I calmed myself down and watched the monitor intently to see if C’s cries would wake up L. No movement. Awesome. C will settle down soon. Ten minutes of screams go by. Nothing. Going on 20, 30, 40 minutes. No movement by L. I am amazed. C screams and then lays down for a breather, and then screams, and then psychs us out with what looks like sleep. Finally at 45 minutes L wakes up. Both babies are crying. Fabulous. J was attempting to sleep through some of the drama but now it was time to make a game plan. That was the end of the girls sleeping in same room. We never went back to sleep after 3am and I had to take the blame for making that play call.

It is now 4am, C is back to sleep. I drop like a dead weight into bed. The dog gets up and shakes and proceeds to prance around the room which means get up and take me out. Who wants a 5lb Pomeranian? Anyone? Bueller? I let her out and have to wait for her to find just the right spot. I’m cooked. She skips back in and disappears under the bed. Must be nice. I’m wide awake. I know C will be up for good at 6 which means I’ve got to settle down and get a nap before Monday begins. It’s time to flip over to Pinterest to redesign my house and pin some dinners I’ll never have time to make. The name of my blog was clearly thought out correctly.


Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:29 NIV)

The Witching Hour

The time of day when nothing you do will make your children happy. Start counting down the seconds until bedtime…

C is on my hip, I open the oven and catapult her as far away as I can so she can’t feel the heat. I quickly manage to move the chicken around so it cooks just right and then L runs in “up, up, up”. “No baby, don’t you see your sister is occupying that spot?” “Up, up, up”. I pick her up. 45 pounds in my arms. Mommy has no time for workouts however she works it out to keep the peace. I throw L on the island. Dangerous move but she has become accustomed to sitting there while I swirl around the kitchen. Everyone thinks this is a bad idea and I’m sure it will bite me sooner or later but for now I am making dinner, putting groceries away, and keeping the kids from screaming…for this one second it will be ok. I throw the green beans in a pot and go play pretend cupcakes with L. C is now mobile and crawling around the floor. I guess it’s time to move Pixie’s food so C doesn’t develop a taste for Iams instead of Gerber. Side note: I use to make all of L’s baby food. It would take me an entire day over the weekend but I would steam and purée everything. And then I had a second child and Gerber sounded good too. (Organic of course). I am sitting next to L’s pink oven munching on fake purple cupcakes and I hear water boiling over the stove. I run into the kitchen and turn down the burner. Somehow they are just as quick, is there a mini Hussein Bolt in my house? I hear “up, up, up”. I love the witching hour! That 5-7 period when everyone is cranky and wants to be held. Perfect! The wooden cupcakes went stale and its time to change the scene before everyone cries, mommy too. We go outside to look for lizards. Thank goodness for lizards, they are all over the yard and provide awesome entertainment. Go getcha some!

Dinner is ready. I don’t care if J is not home yet, a microwave will make it hot and fresh. We eat. L has a bit of a OCD personality and likes everything in its perfect place with a wet paper towel next to her to wipe her mouth. No joke. Where did she come from? I try to keep her happy while I make C’s pears with Nexium. Yum. Again I hear “up, up, up”. Why, why, why? We sit down at the small kids table and everyone eats. Except me because my wine isn’t opened yet…but soon! I (and when I say “I” I mean C and I because she’s attached to my hip) run to the bathroom and start the water. I keep a bouncer hanging from the door in the bathroom so I can get dressed in the morning and as I start to throw C in there she sees it coming and immediately arches her back and cries. No bouncy bouncy during the witching hour, only mommy mommy. L is behind me holding her shampoo bottle saying “bubbles”. I put C on the floor and hold her between my ankles, tight, so she can’t get away. I pull off L’s clothes and hold her hand to help her into the tub. I hear my phone ringing with my Kings of Leon ringtone which means J is calling. He knows better. The witching hour is not a time for chit chat, he must be signaling he’s on his way home. He is so lucky to miss all the action! I pull off C’s clothes and put her in the tub. She’s not steady enough to bathe by herself so I sit on the side of the tub, roll up my pants, and hold her again with my ankles in the water. L is doing choo-choo sounds under my legs and putting bubbles on my face. Excellent. My bath for the day…check check. C proceeds to eat the bubbles and then finds something to put in her mouth. L never chewed or put her mouth on anything and C pretty much needs a chew toy 24/7. Total opposites. I need to get C out of the water because my back hurts from leaning over and we need to move onto pajama time so we can then move closer to night night time and then wine time…and daddy time of course. I lay a towel down on the floor and wrap C up. “L, I’ll be right back and I can hear you if you need me”. I RUN ten feet away and grab pjs for C and come back in. Did I mention I was soaking wet from L splashing me and putting bubbles all over me? It’s time for L to come out. “No, No”, she’s says to me. Mommy says “yes, yes”. “No, no!” She has just started saying this to me and I am not handling it well. I lunge and grab her hand. C is now pulling herself up to standing on the marble step in footy pajamas. I can almost see her slipping and falling so with my other free arm I grab her around the waist. L is screaming “nooooo”. I redirect her attention. “Let’s brush your teeth, where is your toothbrush?”. “I-O-No” she says in one word. The crying stops. It was fake. I know how to call it these days. Her towel drops to the ground and I try and grab the back of her. Nope. Naked L is running rampant around the house. This is the latest challenge. She’s fast. Faster than I am with C in my arms. She wins this round. I run to her room to hide and wait until she goes looking for “Chi Chi” her elephant security blanket. I’m not so sure what the word Chi Chi is in the English language but I really don’t care anymore. Chi Chi makes my life easier. She runs in and I shut the door. Gotcha! Mommy 1, Lilly 1…we are tied. C goes down to crawl around so I can wrestle with L to get her pajamas on. My girl is strong. She one ups me in this round too. I can’t get her dressed without alligator rolling on the floor and begging her to stop. I finally get it done and I’m completely out of breath. I open the door annnnnnnnd she’s gone. See ya L. I hear beeping on the front door and daddy is home. Oh the perfect life. Kids are clean, dinner is served, babies are fed and mommy looks like a train wreck. Mascara is making its way down my face to my chin from bubble and bath time. Work clothes still on but out tucked because I’ve had no time to change and my cuffed pants are now ready to be dry cleaned from traipsing around the house chasing two energetic little girls. Is it 8 yet? Mommy needs a cocktail!

For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. (1 Timothy 4:8 NIV)

My Mailing Address

Publix is my other home address. Have you seen me there? Looking bewildered and walking around aimlessly from one side of the store to the other and back again with kids strapped to me or standing on my head? I am a mess when it comes to Publix and planning food. I could shave off 3 hours of my week if I planned better. I am in awe of people that only go once a week. It is NOT possible. I cannot even plan two dinners in advance. I try. I manage to buy multiple vegetables or a couple different meats but I just can’t seem to get it together. How do people have time? I follow the Crockin’ Girls, Skinny Slow Cooker, and others on Pinterest, and I’ve pinned a million recipes, but somehow I can’t put a weeks worth of food on a list! I ask J on Sundays, “what do you feel like for dinner this week?”, always the same response…”meat and vegetables”. Why thank you honey that really clears it up for me. I’ve got a menu all planned out. And, is it me or has your Publix bill gone up lately? I can’t leave the store without spending $50 and that is on a good day when I’ve already been there for my major shopping list. I am thinking about buying a cow for our backyard because I am sure I will break even on milk or even make some money.

Don’t even get me started about Sundays. The entire world leaves there families for the day and flies, drives, and lands at my Publix. Single ladies, please hit up the Publix on South Beach if you need a date. My Publix is filled with taken husbands, equally as bewildered as myself, and they do not need you to smile and wink at them. I see you checking out Mr. Mom in front of me, NOT COOL. Have you see the Deli? Give your babies kisses goodnight because if you leave for Publix by 3 you are guaranteed that your husband will be bathing, feeding, and putting the kids to bed without you. Night night. Why do I have to dig to find later expiration dates on milk, OJ, vegetables and bread. I don’t have time to shuffle behind 5 gallons to go from October 3rd to October 10th, but I will. Try me Mr. Stock Boy. Mommy doesn’t mess around at Publix.

When it comes to organic can someone please make a decision? There are tons of articles saying you must only buy organic and then there are studies that say organic doesn’t necessarily make a difference. Um, actually I disagree…organic does make a difference…in PRICE! Oh my! So I pick and choose my organic products and of course Publix puts organic in different spots all over the store. Thank you. I need to get my pedometer on and see how many miles I can clock walking the store. And no I don’t really have a pedometer so stop laughing at me.

You can say I am a bit worked up about Publix. Deep Breath. I am sorry. I support my native Florida supermarket but I need a personal chef and shopper to help categorize and simplify my life and if you know of someone that can carry my kids while I waltz around please call me. I’ll be in the nervous breakdown aisle next to the open all the junk food to keep your kids happy aisle. Which is located in the take all my money part of the store. Xoxo

Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.” (John 6:27 NIV)

To Grandmothers House We Go

I realize I have been MIA lately. It has been a rough couple of weeks with work and the babies being sick but I’M BACK!!! Miss me? Below is a sample of what kicked off the last couple weeks of chaos….

After packing for two weeks, we were finally ready for our vacation to Texas. Something would definitely be forgotten or left behind, but Target can solve all problems and it would be within an hours drive if I needed to go. We were off to Bandera, Texas, the cowboy capital of the world. I spent every summer growing up swimming in the Medina River and walking around in the dead heat looking for deer, armadillos, snakes, cows, and any other form of wildlife. I have been so excited to show L the ranch and let her experience all the things I have loved about Texas. We just had to get there. We had to survive the plane ride with two babies under the age of 2 sitting on our laps. It was going to be ugly.

I knew I needed to occupy every second of L’s time so I googled “best toddler apps” for my iPad and downloaded a handful to keep her occupied. I also bought “The Wiggles Christmas”, an episode of Bubble Guppies, Mickey mouse clubhouse, AND I brought along books, markers,
stickers, toys and snacks. Like I said, I have been packing for two weeks. Preparation is key these days. Our flight was at 7:45 am which meant we really wouldn’t sleep the night before because we knew we had to wake up early and couldn’t oversleep, especially
with children. After tossing and turning for hours we watched the clock turn to 4am and looked at eachother. What was the point of trying to sleep…let the fun begin.

The one silver lining of traveling with children is the fact that you get to bypass the long security lines and board early. That’s it. That’s the only bonus. And I really don’t like boarding early because why make your kids sit still for any longer than you have to? Why torture yourself for extra minutes? We boarded early. Awesome.

I wish I would have taken a video of people’s faces upon our boarding to upload to this blog. Absolutely priceless. We boarded the plane and the captains and flight attendants greeted us. You can tell the flight attendants were thinking “Great, I wonder how much food I’m going to have to clean up from the floor at the end of this flight”. Then you have the people that look at you with a smile because you have small babies, BUT, it is also a sad face, because they are mothers or fathers too, and they have
also made trips like this and feel very sorry for you. These people are your advocates. Make sure you smile back at them because when Hell breaks loose, these are the people you want next to you. The next set of faces are the ones that are thinking “please NO, please NO, please don’t let those kids be anywhere near me”. Yes, these people are screwed. These people were me before kids and they will be me in 5-10 years. Enjoy.

We prayed hard before flying and we had family praying as well. God heard His people. We ended up switching seats with a couple in front of us who had been there and done that, as previously stated above, and they felt very sorry for us. We had a row all to ourselves and L had her own seat. This was a huge blessing, we would never have survived otherwise. She is an antsy 23 month old and cannot sit still for one second. She was standing on the seat checking out the row behind us, then she was leaning on the seat in front of her, and then climbing on the hand rails. We went through an entire package of “Wet Ones” trying to disinfect all areas of the plane the children would come into contact with. The bottom line is planes are dirty hamster cages. They ooze nasty germs. I watched L run her hands over the window, then touch the tray table, and then climb on the nasty floor under the seat. Fabulous. Just fabulous. Now, if she could just come up and stick her hands in C’s mouth, we would be all set. Oh…and she did. Perfect. They might as well have just licked the floor and windows upon boarding. The question was how long would it be until their noses started running. Five seconds? Nope, 3 days.

There would be no napping on this plane because mommy wasn’t thinking
when she booked the flights. Flying first thing in the morning equals children that are energized and ready to party. Mistake. L was not interested in any of the movies or shows I purchased. I am so glad I spent ten dollars on The Wiggles. They scare me. She did not care about Mickey and didn’t flinch at the Bubble who? Thank goodness for food. I pretty much fed my carb-o-tarian for 3 hours straight trying to keep her entertained. It worked! When we walked off the plane, I mean ran, I asked J if he was happy to be on vacation…his response? “I am not on vacation until I get through this day”. Point taken. We had an hour drive ahead of us and it was going to be a bad story. No naps and two children who loathe their car seats makes for a long car ride. I actually think they communicate through their screams. L tells C, “I’m going to stop and take a break, but you keep screaming and I’ll relieve you and begin screaming in one minute so mom and dad get no reprieve”, and vice versa.

When we finally made it to our destination, my 4 sisters and brother
and their respective spouses were there. All of them have older children that are either grown, or manageable, and they have quickly forgotten how lack of sleep makes you wacky. They were ready to drag Main Street and honky tonk around Bandera and J and I just wanted to drop dead. New place, new beds, new fun people is the equivalent of a nightclub on your 21st birthday to our children . L was running in circles and C was being passed from person to person until finally they fell hard and so did we. This is one of those vacations you need a vacation from. Oh wait, that’s because I have children. Note to self: Do not travel again until they are both over the age of 3…or 20.

“The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Do not say, “Why were the old
days better than these?” For it is not wise to ask such questions”
Ecclesiastes 7:8-10 NIV


Eye Spy

One of the most important inventions to ever come on the market for mothers was the entrance of the video monitor. How did mothers before us survive without it? It keeps me sane. If I did not have a video monitor I would have burned holes in the floor walking back and forth checking on the babies in their cribs. Not to mention gluing my ear against the door trying to hear what may or may not be going on while they go down for a nap. I am the first to admit that I can be borderline neurotic and this has helped ease my worry. I can at least see that they are not flipping out of the crib or climbing the shelves in their closet…or if they are, I can run in and go bananas on them.

With L, I would put the monitor 6 inches from her body so I could see the rise and fall of her chest when she was an infant. Relax mom, I never put her in danger with the cords, I just wanted to know that all was okay. I kept the screen lit up throughout the night so I could open my eyes and see all was well and then fall back into a coma until the following minute when she would wake up and want to nurse. When she started to move around a bit I moved the monitor to the corner of the crib angled down so that I could see the entire mattress and still see her breathing. J was right there with me. He would grab it and stare for ten seconds until he saw some kind of movement. Ahhh, such a good feeling.

If the monitor is not plugged in, then the screen shuts off but you can still hear noises. One time we heard a noise and clicked on to see what was going on and we had two alien eyes staring back at us. L was standing for the first time, she pulled herself up all by herself and she was getting ready to pull the camera down. We went sprinting into her room to save our beloved camera, our spying eye. We became addicted to that screen especially when she started blabbering. “Dadadadadadada, dadadada”, why do they say dada first? Don’t they understand that mama sacrifices so much more to bring them here and it is just not fair that dada is the first word but, I digress. We loved hearing L talk while she went down for her nap or to bed. So adorable.

Now, with L in her toddler bed, we need the monitor in the corner of the room angled down to make sure she isn’t doing cartwheels off the changing table. If we didn’t have that monitor there would be multiple packages of wipes that met there death before there time was due. The first thing L does when we shut the door and put her down is to check out the changing table and see what mom forgot to move. Her absolute favorite is Vitamin A&D ointment or cream. Her second favorite is the wipes. After putting her down one night, I went into the kitchen to clean up the food stuck to EVERYTHING and forgot to check the monitor, big mistake. I heard her reading books or doing something and I just figured she was playing in bed. 20 minutes later I took a walk towards her room and before even entering I smelled a very distinct smell. She had gotten the A&D ointment and proceeded to completely wipe down one of her toys. It was everywhere and thankfully when I entered she was asleep. I did not even know where to begin. She was a greasy mess. I took her nasty toy, and the left over tube, and grabbed some wipes. Her hair was disgusting, it was matted on her head and mashed into her pillow. I just walked out. What could I do? Throw her in the tub dead asleep? It was a thought but I just waited until the next morning and let it go. Lets just say she was well moisturized for the next couple days.

With C we purchased another camera so we could keep an eye on them both. Two camera’s in one room, sounds like overkill, I know. One camera facing down on L and one facing down on C. Like I said, we always need to make sure they are breathing. I am crazy like that. I have been trying to put them in the same room ever since C was born 6 months ago. I hear all these stories about mothers who have two young kids in the same room and its great, rainbows and butterflies, no problems whatsoever. They must be lying. I tried it once for nap time. It lasted one second. I had the monitor on, looking at C who was already asleep, and I see L’s hands coming through the slats on the crib grabbing for C. Um, I don’t think this is going to work. Back into our room she goes.

One more story about L really quick before I finish, oh and stay posted because we are getting ready to go on a vacation with the kids and that is going to be one crazy blog. I have already begun packing and I feel like I am moving houses! There is so much to do! Anywho, my mother brought over a door stopper for L’s room that she found at Cracker Barrel. It is terribly ugly, no offense mom. It is a dark brown cat with orange stripes, yuck, and it does NOT go with her room but her door will not stay open without it so it stays. L is obsessed with it. We have no idea why. We put her to sleep every night and check the monitor, she is laying there with her little snuggly pink blanket, all is well and then we look away. Two seconds later we check the monitor again and she is in the same position but the cat is in bed with her. How did it get there? We just saw her and she was almost asleep, now that ugly cat is next to her? The next day, the same thing. It has become a joke…El Gato seems to sneak into her bed all the time. If we happen to move it after she goes to sleep she somehow wakes up and it magically appears in bed. I have even seen her on the monitor, feeding that cat her bottle. That explains the white marks on it, gross. I pray L and C never figure out how mommy and daddy always know what is going on when the door is shut, hopefully those camera’s make it through the teenage years because if they are anything like I was, we are in big trouble.

“From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth” Psalms 33:13-14

Great Expectations

I expect L to stay away from the potted plant in the living room.  I expect her to not throw piles of dirt on the floor.  I expect C to sleep through the night.  I expect that the oatmeal and milk will sustain her at least 8-10 hours so mommy can sleep and function the next day.  I expect my husband to be romantic all the time and bring cupcakes home to surprise me.  I expect him to read my mind and get up with both babies on Saturday mornings and let me sleep.  I expect, I expect, I expect…

He expects L to sit next to him on the couch and watch TV while he checks work emails on his iPad.  He expects C to just lay in his arms and smile and not arch her back and cry.  He expects time, when he gets home from work, to unwind and use the facilities in peace.  He expects me to initiate sexytime on a nightly basis… He expects, expects, expects. 

L expects me to understand her new language…“Shaw, looo, chaa, ne ne, wi wi, pooo”.  I’m still working on some of these.  She expects me to walk in the door and hold her immediately.  She expects me to take her swimming everyday, feed her ice cream and french fries for dinner, and give her milk in a bottle on demand.  She would be wrong on all accounts. 

Where do we turn expectations into reality?  Expectations are hopes and dreams in our household…ha ha! We have to communicate extensively on a daily basis or we quickly turn into impatient spouses and annoyed parents.  J told me he was going to run some lawn cuttings over to a friends trashpile on Saturday and made it sound like he would be back in ten.  25 minutes later, after L has been brushing/tangling my post pregnancy hair, (which is falling out in buckets and now barrels thanks to L’s hair salon) I look out the window and see J on a ladder manicuring the palm tree.  Uh, did I miss something? Is he already back from his trash run? Before going hormonal on him I sweetly take a deep breath and open the front door to inquire about his new activity.  “Darling, what are you doing? (deep breath) Honey, when you say you are just taking the trash over to F’s house I expect that to take around 10 minutes.”  This is probably the first time I have ever held it together and not gone crackerjack on him.  This was a fluke.  The Lord rescued him this time.  He apologized, I was normal, he was great, and our afternoon wasn’t ruined because I actually took the time to breathe and communicate and he took the time to understand where he messed up.  Too bad this doesn’t happen more often.  I am going to start trying harder.

In all of our expectations depicted above, there is also the inclusion of needs and wants.  For example, we need to buy Milk for L, we need to pay bills, we need to do the laundry before it engulfs our closet.  These are things that MUST be done versus the wants.  J wants to redo our kitchen and master bath, I want a flat screen TV for the living room wall, he wants to landscape the front and backyard and then finally, he wants to treat our trees for white fly.  Wants are things you can make a list about for future cash flow but they do not belong in the need category, they are not pertinent.  This has been hard for us after buying a new house. We want and need so many things, and then we go back to what we expect.  Our vicious cycle.  I know, I know, so many words…work with me. 

J has been consumed with the yard, and I quote, he is “taking care of my family which includes all living organisms like the trees and plant life in our yard”…yes, my husband said that.  I about fell over.  He moved the list around…the item “treating the trees for white fly” went OFF the want list and was put on the need list, front row.  And, as per my previous blog, he has gotten them injected. I can’t even go there.  It is ludicrous to me.  J has dreamed of having his own yard to play, plant, and landscape his entire life.  He is like a kid in a candy store, like me in a mall I guess, or a hotel room that’s dark and cold and sans children to wake me up.  I could care less about the palm trees outside, if they lose a coconut or five it is ok, it is way more important that we turn the front room of our house, that is never used, into a bedroom so we can have an office or den.  Oh wait, we just spent how much to save Mr. Coconut? Excellent! 

We need to sit down on a weekly basis these days to tackle our lists and communicate our expectations.  I realize in all of this that I have control issues.  I see a breakdown in my mind of how I EXPECT situations to go down…I can’t get away from that word.  I want everything to go through me first instead of trusting J to make the right decisions, which he usually does.  Bottom line: I need to expect God to take care of all my wants but if He could just differentiate between the two and see that I need sleep that would be great! 

And what about baby C’s needs, wants, and expectations? I’m sure she has a list too but for now some boob seems to fix that just fine. 

“So do not worry, saying, “What shall we eat? Or What shall we drink? Or What shall we wear? For pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” Matthew 6:31-34

Tropical Storm Children

Preparing for a hurricane in my prior life consisted of buying junk food, beer, and planning a party with friends.  Now, with children, it feels like the opposite.  It is all about preparedness and figuring out how to keep the power on and the milk cold or frozen. I am banking on the fact that we will not be losing power but if we do I am banking on my in-laws generator powering our refrigerator.

Please Lord!

Today I had the kiddos partying with me 24-7 as J had a meeting until 11. I ran some errands this morning, played at a friends house until 12 and then came home and put L to sleep for her nap.  I layed down to nurse C for 2 hours just so I could shut my eyes for part of that.  She must have consumed 10 ounces.  Every time she started to wake up I would stick a boob in her mouth and she would settle back down to sleep.  Complete sleep deprivation on mommy’s part allowed for her to have a milk fest. Lucky C! When we woke up I took L to the grocery store to stock up on food and joined all of Miami. I’m pretty sure Broward and Monroe counties were all at my Publix too. When we came home J wanted to prepare the outside so I had both ladies to entertain.  We played puzzles, played hair, we drank tea and ate cupcakes, and we chased Pixie. I don’t even want to think about tomorrow when the storm actually blows through.  What are we going to do all day!!?

 C started to get fussy so I tried to put her back to sleep.  She is at the age when any noise around her causes her to rip off my boob and look around the room. It feels just fabulous.  I am trying to get L use to entertaining herself while I do this but so far she objects. Today I asked her to just watch Mary Poppins (the only movie she will watch) while I fed her sister and she looked like she would oblige me.  She false advertised.  5 minutes in and she is parked next to my glider staring at me talking about Pixie, aka “chi chi”, and C rips off. I beg her to be quiet.  This gives her free reign around the house.  I watch her through the French doors as she picks up my giant Tervis tumbler and proceeds to drink it.  I usually outlaw this behavior but since she knows I am unable to yell she continues to do it at her leisure.  I abandon worrying about this and proceed to C’s room to put her in her crib.  I hear footsteps.  Oh good it’s L and Pixie.  I put my finger to my mouth to make a “Shhh” sound.  L repeats it to me.  I proceed to lay the baby down and at the same time L squeals at Pixie and C pops up. Greaaaaat.   I pick her up and bounce.  We have been bouncing her on an exercise ball to put her to sleep since she was little and when it isn’t around I have to simulate it and give my quads a workout.  That is one way to exercise.  Actually that is my only way these days.  I bounce her back to sleep.  L and pixie are chasing eachother around the house at this point and I start to pray that they stay away for one more minute so I can lay her down.  Negative ghost rider, the party continues next to me with pixie growling at L as she tries to kick her. Awesome, C wakes up again.  I am about to get on my knees and beg God to help me get her to sleep and then the front door opens.  J is home.  It is a short lived reprieve.  He has an agenda.  I grab the baby ergo and deal with the fact that C is awake.  Too much to do to worry about this. 

J takes L in the pool while I start dinner and a bath.  A pest control guy shows up in the middle of all this to give us a quote on white fly, a fly that destroys your trees but never existed 10 years ago. Whatever.  Blue job.  I put L in the bathtub and play with her.  I decide I should probably bathe the other kid too but two in the tub is hard and C can’t sit up by herself so I have to half way get in to maintain her position.  Fun stuff.  Time to get out and get dressed.  Impossible to take two out at once so I drain some water and try and get C dressed quickly.  L jumps out and runs around the house wet and naked.  Knock yourself out.  20 minutes later I am in the kitchen trying to keep the natives happy with dinner as it gets dark and then…I hear a noise outside.  J has a chainsaw in his hand with the pest control guy and he is slicing through our hibiscus bush. What. Is. Going. On. Around. Here? I hit the patio door and flash him the death look.  Yes, the look that means business, and the look that causes arguments.  He waltzes in the door 10 minutes later and says he was just getting things done. Lovely, take a child.  Any child.

It’s bedtime. I made it through the day.  I can not imagine tomorrow. Wine in hand and a little cookie dough after dinner.  Nice.  I shut my eyes at 11.  Guess who pops up at 12…baby C, ready to party.  I am not going to continue my story because it starts to get ugly around here, but know that we survived the wannabe hurricane/tropical storm. The jury is still out if I will survive motherhood.  Ha ha.

“I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him I will trust”  Psalms 91:2

Pink and Blue

There has always been, and will always be, a battle and debate of the sexes. Man vs Woman, He vs She, and now I will explain Pink vs Blue in the household realm. Two years ago we heard my cousins refer to chores in their house under the terms pink and blue. We stole this terminology and still use it on a daily basis.

Example 1: “J, the trash is full, the grass is high, the diaper genie stinks…BLUE JOB!”

Example 2: “Christy, we are out of beer, we need more grapes, L needs diapers…PINK JOB”

Are you catching on? This has become how we divvy up chores and place blame in our household. Although I feel like the mom gets the raw end of the deal. We have wayyyyy more duties and CHILDBIRTH says it all!! PINK PINK PINK! Not to mention we have to shave our legs and armpits, wear heels, workout to stay fit in all our free time (NOT), take care of the household ie.. .grocery shop, maintain toiletries in all bathrooms, keep the diapers comin’ and keep everyone dressed appropriately. All of these things are categorized as pink jobs.

Crazy things happen when Daddy has to pull a pink job and has the opportunity to pick out a wardrobe for the kiddos. L comes out in two different colored blue top and bottoms with crazy socks and shoes that are either too big or she wore 5 months ago. OH GEEZ. And then he gets offended if I change her clothes so I have to suck it up and allow her to stay in the chaos that is blue on blue. I look for reasons to change her…”Oops L, mommy spilled water all over you, are you cold? Lets get a different outfit on”. J has outlawed one of L’s bathing suits because he says its impossible to put on her…it criss crosses in the back and he can’t figure out how to get her legs in there without having the whole thing crazy on one side. One day she came out to the pool with both straps on one side cutting off her circulation with J trailing behind her huffing and puffing and then he yells “PINK JOB!”.

Mommy has started doing a few blue jobs around the house and I am not happy about it! The pool tends to get a little finicky in the summers and when it rains it can turn green within hours. That being said, I occasionally have to make a few runs to the pool store for chlorine. I have to just go off on a tangent about the pool store. First of all, I bring them a water sample and hand it over to a 15-18 year old boy. He has a whole contraption set up to test the water in which they squeeze a few drops into a test tube and use a couple drops of what looks like food coloring. SERIOUSLY? It’s a joke! A total sham!! Half the time our pool is green and they are telling us the PH balance is perfect. Yea buddy, sure sure, whatever you say, I’ll take a packet of your finest pool shock and gallon or three of chlorine but if you think it seems to be ok I’ll send the tadpoles to your pooI. BLUE JOB!! Chainsaws, electrical issues, mowers, blowers, disposals, trash on Monday and Thursday nights, not to mention the grill…all BLUE.

Upon mommy’s discretion, and only when it is beneficial, will I call a GRAY job into play. I can only change so many poop diapers in a day, party with C in the middle of the night for so many nights, do laundry until I float away with it, and unload and load the dishwasher before I start to want to throw myself into it. I can’t. Gray jobs are also paying and filing bills. This can all go both ways. My husband wants me to throw in how he vaccuums and dusts, and daddy does an occasional trip to the grocery store…he is saying this because I got a traffic ticket for a U-turn today and he felt bad for me so he ventured to Publix. Shout out to J! He rocks! And he made dinner tonight… he must want some action. Too bad I was up with C 3 times last night. Not happening.

The next time your spouse asks you to do something outside the box, remind him about the colors that divide. The dog needs to go out…how should I call this one?

“For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.” 1 Corinthians 11:12

What can I get you?

4 am boob baby C

6 am boob her again to try and keep her asleep.

6:45 am boob is not working anymore so it is time to wake up and face the day. L walks in and wants to be held and flooded with attention (she is 22 months old). I put the baby in the jumperoo in the bathroom and attempt to shower while I entertain her with some peek-a-boo and songs. I am sure some part of my body missed the water and soap as it was a 2 minute affair. L helps me pick out my outfit for work. Why yes, I have always wanted to wear a blue t-shirt with a brown skirt and running shoes…how did she know? She wants me to eat breakfast with her and wants to be held while I make it. I think my hip is permanently jetted out on the side of my body from having a child always attached to oneside or the other. I have guilt from leaving the girls for work so I appease them and hold them whenever they cry. I can do anything these days with one hand…two would just be overkill. J tells me he needs more underwear and asks if I can pick some up. I also need to hit the grocery store to find something to cook for dinner. Oh and work…thats right, I have a 9-5.

I realize this is a common theme among women. Doing it all and having it go unnoticed and I do not want to beat a dead horse but the word MULTI-TASK was specifically developed for women. My adorable husband can not even play a game on the iPad and have a conversation at the same time. I can play a game (hahahaha who has time for a game), talk on the phone, listen to his conversation with L in the kitchen,
decipher her baby vocabulary, and remind him to give her water. But hey, who’s counting.

Fast forward through my day and the errands I found time to run after work. I walk into the house and find my sweet nieces and mother playing with L and C. Perfect! I can change clothes and get dinner started…pause…not. C is hungry and she wants to be nursed. Done, she passes out. L wants to go swimming so I open the pool gate and check the drain. Oh fabulous, another snake in the pool, (one yesterday too) it’s a regular serpentarium around here. I pull him out and we say goodnight to Mr. Snake and I run inside to start dinner. It goes in the oven and I run back outside to see L. She has become a little fish in the water and I love to watch her swim but it’s 95 degrees and I am still trudging around in my work clothes, when can I change? Bath time!

When L gets hungry and tired she melts and throws herself on the floor unless I hold her. Yes, I can pull a Pyrex glass dish out of the oven one handed. Potatoes cut, one handed. Broccoli steamed, one handed. Pouring milk and making oatmeal for C…you guessed it, one handed. J comes home, it’s time to eat! All of a sudden L isn’t sad anymore because fun dad is home and just when I think I will get a reprieve, C wakes up. Work clothes on? Check check! Everyone eats and I feed C. My husband decides he wants to mow the lawn and it must be done right now. Of course! Go ahead! I’ll just hold both melting kids and put L to bed. But go, unwind and change clothes, do you want a cold beer with that?

We are in the process of breaking L of bottles. Gasp! Yes, she is 22 months and still on a bottle. Horrible parents. We have had so much going on with C that we did not break L of the bottle so we are doing it now. Fun times, fun times. I put her to bed and get screams as I leave the room…awesome. Time to put C to bed. Nightgown, night diaper, and more boob. Mommy is dunzo!

I walk out to the living room and J wants some attention now. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just let me change into a sexy looking nursing camisole and my old bleached out navy pants you love so much and then I will give you my undivided attention and if you could hook me up to an IV of vodka that would pretty much be great. Oh and here is the underwear I picked up for you. Gracias adios!

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your
relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: (Philippians 2:3-5)