Beauty and the Beast

I am learning that you have to pick your battles. First, it was picking my battles with the husband. And now, it’s picking my battles with beauty and the kids. Now that C is walking I am officially in trouble. I thought crawling was bad because she was like a little crab clawing across the floor. Then she stood up and immediately power walked into a run, and she has not slowed down ever since. If she isn’t bobbling around then she’s having a tantrum and screaming to be picked up. At one time we thought three children was our number. Now we realize two is good. Two means everyone has one on one man coverage. And really, that isn’t even fair to say because daddy works late most days AND he’s a novelty. Everybody loves Daddy, he does no wrong and he is super fun all the time.

In trying to juggle two mobile children I have to pick the things I want to get done. I am on a two week vacation from work for the holiday season and being a full time mommy is no easy job. God bless all of you who stay at home all day. You are a force to be reckoned with. I struggle to feed the kids breakfast and get a load of laundry started…and that’s a good morning. The house looks like someone has broken in and ransacked the place and NO they have not, it’s just mommy surviving. L has actually become a huge help to me. She is much more of a neat freak than I am, thankfully, and has no problem cleaning up her toys if I remind her. She is finally potty trained and I can now stop ordering two cases of diapers a month from Amazon thank you very much. One down, one to go. Oh, potty training is another blog entry altogether. I am working on posting it but it is not a polite conversation to have therefore I am trying to make it classy which is a joke because it’s going to talk about poop so how classy can it really be!? Back to my point…

Yesterday L was napping and C teased me with a quick 30 minute snooze, just enough time for me to clean up the kitchen and bathe myself including using a razor…exciting stuff! As I stepped out of the shower I heard her screaming and I rushed into the girls room to grab C so she wouldn’t wake up L. I still needed to dry off and have the mirror point out my flaws and remind me to take care of my eyebrows. I put C in the bathtub/playpen fully clothed and hoped there wasn’t water hiding in any toy that would soak her. Perfect, time to moisturize my face and legs. Whining and crying ensued, the tub didn’t do the trick, she wanted freedom. This is where I mentioned picking my battles. My hair needed to be blown dry, my face needed powder and blush, and mascara needed to be applied. Only one would make the cut. C was opening all my drawers fishing through hair ties, toothpaste, and then I looked down and found her chewing on a tampon (new and in the wrapper), I yanked it out. I grabbed the brush and began untangling my hair only to find her playing in the toilet! I had looked away for one second! How did she douse herself with liquid that fast? I grabbed a towel and started cleaning the floor as she completely unrolled the toilet paper until it was empty in a pile on the floor. Forget it! Beauty can wait! I’ll just put on some sunglasses and wrap my hair in a bun. Call me a disaster if you must but how do people wear makeup and do their hair all in the same day!? Go go gadget arms? I need them.

I believe that if I am not holding C or walking next to her she has a sonar that picks up on all things she shouldn’t do. Plant mulch and dirt in the mouth, check check. TV remote thrown on the floor and mouthed, check. Pixie’s dog food, delicious, check check. And her absolute fav, toilet water. Oh so fun! I was actually putting clothes away in the girls room this morning and C went into stealth mode. It had been 3 seconds which meant 2 seconds too long. She went on a fishing trip to Lake Toilet and caught some toilet paper courtesy of a newly potty trained sister. By the time I arrived she had tasted it and thrown it on the floor. I know you are all throwing up right now and I am sorry to be so graphic but this is reality ladies (and a few husband friends). I am living it. She went into the bathtub ASAP with a heavy scrubbing. I’ve enlisted L to help me control the situation but she naps for three hours in the afternoon and C only naps for one so its two full hours of chasing her and playing in baby jail. You know, the confining gates that every child loathes. She shuffles down the gate looking for holes to crawl through and most of the time she finds a way out. It is because of this active child I cannot scrub the floors, clean the kitchen, and maintain 10 loads of laundry a day. The house is looking forward to my return to work, if I do not go back soon it may just deconstruct on its own from the chaos. Beauty will hopefully return in the form of makeup on my face and a blow dryer in my hand, something J has missed, and the beast will be gone until the next vacation.

A verse females should always remember…
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30 NIV)

2 thoughts on “Beauty and the Beast

  1. That is so funny! My youngest LOVED the dog food! Most moms have to move the cleaning supplies up high and out of reach but I had to move the dog food. I would catch him with chipmunk cheeks full of Pedigree Pal. I can relate! I also had to fish pigeon poop out of his mouth, but that is another story!

  2. OMG! “Go go gadget arms? I need them” so true!!! Thanks for making me laugh and cry at the same time. I soooooo can relate!

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