The Witching Hour

The time of day when nothing you do will make your children happy. Start counting down the seconds until bedtime…

C is on my hip, I open the oven and catapult her as far away as I can so she can’t feel the heat. I quickly manage to move the chicken around so it cooks just right and then L runs in “up, up, up”. “No baby, don’t you see your sister is occupying that spot?” “Up, up, up”. I pick her up. 45 pounds in my arms. Mommy has no time for workouts however she works it out to keep the peace. I throw L on the island. Dangerous move but she has become accustomed to sitting there while I swirl around the kitchen. Everyone thinks this is a bad idea and I’m sure it will bite me sooner or later but for now I am making dinner, putting groceries away, and keeping the kids from screaming…for this one second it will be ok. I throw the green beans in a pot and go play pretend cupcakes with L. C is now mobile and crawling around the floor. I guess it’s time to move Pixie’s food so C doesn’t develop a taste for Iams instead of Gerber. Side note: I use to make all of L’s baby food. It would take me an entire day over the weekend but I would steam and purée everything. And then I had a second child and Gerber sounded good too. (Organic of course). I am sitting next to L’s pink oven munching on fake purple cupcakes and I hear water boiling over the stove. I run into the kitchen and turn down the burner. Somehow they are just as quick, is there a mini Hussein Bolt in my house? I hear “up, up, up”. I love the witching hour! That 5-7 period when everyone is cranky and wants to be held. Perfect! The wooden cupcakes went stale and its time to change the scene before everyone cries, mommy too. We go outside to look for lizards. Thank goodness for lizards, they are all over the yard and provide awesome entertainment. Go getcha some!

Dinner is ready. I don’t care if J is not home yet, a microwave will make it hot and fresh. We eat. L has a bit of a OCD personality and likes everything in its perfect place with a wet paper towel next to her to wipe her mouth. No joke. Where did she come from? I try to keep her happy while I make C’s pears with Nexium. Yum. Again I hear “up, up, up”. Why, why, why? We sit down at the small kids table and everyone eats. Except me because my wine isn’t opened yet…but soon! I (and when I say “I” I mean C and I because she’s attached to my hip) run to the bathroom and start the water. I keep a bouncer hanging from the door in the bathroom so I can get dressed in the morning and as I start to throw C in there she sees it coming and immediately arches her back and cries. No bouncy bouncy during the witching hour, only mommy mommy. L is behind me holding her shampoo bottle saying “bubbles”. I put C on the floor and hold her between my ankles, tight, so she can’t get away. I pull off L’s clothes and hold her hand to help her into the tub. I hear my phone ringing with my Kings of Leon ringtone which means J is calling. He knows better. The witching hour is not a time for chit chat, he must be signaling he’s on his way home. He is so lucky to miss all the action! I pull off C’s clothes and put her in the tub. She’s not steady enough to bathe by herself so I sit on the side of the tub, roll up my pants, and hold her again with my ankles in the water. L is doing choo-choo sounds under my legs and putting bubbles on my face. Excellent. My bath for the day…check check. C proceeds to eat the bubbles and then finds something to put in her mouth. L never chewed or put her mouth on anything and C pretty much needs a chew toy 24/7. Total opposites. I need to get C out of the water because my back hurts from leaning over and we need to move onto pajama time so we can then move closer to night night time and then wine time…and daddy time of course. I lay a towel down on the floor and wrap C up. “L, I’ll be right back and I can hear you if you need me”. I RUN ten feet away and grab pjs for C and come back in. Did I mention I was soaking wet from L splashing me and putting bubbles all over me? It’s time for L to come out. “No, No”, she’s says to me. Mommy says “yes, yes”. “No, no!” She has just started saying this to me and I am not handling it well. I lunge and grab her hand. C is now pulling herself up to standing on the marble step in footy pajamas. I can almost see her slipping and falling so with my other free arm I grab her around the waist. L is screaming “nooooo”. I redirect her attention. “Let’s brush your teeth, where is your toothbrush?”. “I-O-No” she says in one word. The crying stops. It was fake. I know how to call it these days. Her towel drops to the ground and I try and grab the back of her. Nope. Naked L is running rampant around the house. This is the latest challenge. She’s fast. Faster than I am with C in my arms. She wins this round. I run to her room to hide and wait until she goes looking for “Chi Chi” her elephant security blanket. I’m not so sure what the word Chi Chi is in the English language but I really don’t care anymore. Chi Chi makes my life easier. She runs in and I shut the door. Gotcha! Mommy 1, Lilly 1…we are tied. C goes down to crawl around so I can wrestle with L to get her pajamas on. My girl is strong. She one ups me in this round too. I can’t get her dressed without alligator rolling on the floor and begging her to stop. I finally get it done and I’m completely out of breath. I open the door annnnnnnnd she’s gone. See ya L. I hear beeping on the front door and daddy is home. Oh the perfect life. Kids are clean, dinner is served, babies are fed and mommy looks like a train wreck. Mascara is making its way down my face to my chin from bubble and bath time. Work clothes still on but out tucked because I’ve had no time to change and my cuffed pants are now ready to be dry cleaned from traipsing around the house chasing two energetic little girls. Is it 8 yet? Mommy needs a cocktail!

For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. (1 Timothy 4:8 NIV)


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